Just tell me how, and I will do everything I can
honestly? Its not worth it. This is a very unhealthy relationship, in which you seem to have become dependent on your abuser. It may be hard, but i would recommend leaving her. Every relationship is hard to end, but this one will be much harder.
come off anon if you want to talk more. remember I am just one person and this is just my opinion.
"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."- Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the prisoner of Askaban
When all you know is darkness it is hard to focus on the light. But if you can manage it, what the light can show you is pretty extraordinary.
(I hope this was inspirational enough)
you are not a joke. No ones life is a joke, all life has purpose.
Remember you are worth so much more than the abuse you are going through. Do you have a friend you could move in with for a while, to get away from the abusive relationship.